I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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