Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
