Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
