It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
