I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
