3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
id be glad to
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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