It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Someone signed my nipple.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
