We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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