So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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