You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
