apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
