You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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