Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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