Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
