I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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