A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
PANTIES FOUND
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
