Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
