I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
