You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
