so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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