Just cropdusted the office
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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