Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
