Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry jillyjolly hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(310): View more from California

He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.

Fav 9 1711 3664
share tweet
(201): View more from New Jersey

The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint

Fav 15 4924 1273
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(303): View more from Colorado

Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...

Fav 6 6540 1145
share tweet
(905): View more from Ontario

Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.

Fav 8 5007 1301
share tweet
(980): View more from North Carolina

I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?

Fav 11 1066 2612
share tweet
(810): View more from Michigan

Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.

Fav 8 2099 925
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(734): View more from Michigan

I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.

Fav 10 2847 863
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(732): View more from New Jersey

Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE

Fav 1 509 403
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note

Fav 0 67 4
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT