The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
