You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
