how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just had sex on a roof
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
