drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
