do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
