good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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