my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
