Someone shit on the floor
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
