I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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