I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
