I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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