Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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