how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
