New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
