Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
