Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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