I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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