with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
