I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
