I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
