I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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