WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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