im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
