Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
