New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
