Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
