I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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