My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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