Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize