I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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