I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize