I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize