Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
