I'm so fucking centered right now
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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