apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
