What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
