there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
