i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Can you bring me the toilet please
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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