last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
