Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
