She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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