Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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