And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
