I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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