So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
