It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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